“When she speaks, her words are wise and she gives instructions with kindness.” Proverbs 31:26
When I was pregnant, I spent weeks planning and preparing the nursery. I read about giving birth, taking care of a newborn, and even how to prepare the dog for our new baby. As our kids grew, we went to parenting conferences, read books about how to discipline our kids, and attended a church group that focused on keeping our marriage strong while raising kids.
And then…our kids moved out, got married, and started having babies of their own. And I had no idea how to parent them. Seriously! Can you relate? I mean, I knew they wouldn’t be home forever, but there were no books or seminars or small groups that prepared me for the “leave and cleave” years. It wasn’t my role to discipline them anymore, but they still had so much to learn.
Joshua is one of the greatest Old Testament leaders and his leadership of the Israelites holds a valuable lesson for parents of adult kids.
When he prepared to lead God’s people into Jericho, he told them to keep watch for the Ark of the Covenant and then to follow it as soon as they saw it:
“Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before.”
Joshua 3:4
They listened to Joshua and followed the Arc, but when the people reached the Jordan river, waves were gushing over its banks and they were unable to cross. Still, the men who carried the Arc stepped into the rushing river in faith, because that’s what Joshua told them to do. The Israelites watched as the waves flooded over their feet. And they watched as “the water from upstream stopped flowing and piled up in a heap,” allowing them to walk to the other side on dry ground (Joshua 3:16).
Engage your imagination for a minute. It’s not a Disney movie. It really happened! And the same recipe for releasing God’s power is available to the parents of adult kids.
Just like the Israelites, we’ve never been this way before and we have very little knowledge about which way to go most of the time. Sometimes we don’t give any advice to our adult kids because we fear upsetting them…and then we lay awake at night worried sick. Other times, we spew all sorts of well-intended advice, telling them how things were when we were in their situation and letting them know (either with words or facial expressions) exactly how we feel about their choices.
Either our silence robs our kids of Godly counsel or our rapid-fire advice leaves them feeling like we have no faith in them at all and they simply quit listening. Either way, we’re not trusting God’s best for our kids.
So what do we do? We do what the Israelites did. We keep watch for God in scripture, we get up and follow where he leads, and we step out in faith even when it’s frightening. He knows our kids intimately – so much better than we do! And as we follow him, he will make it clear when they need words of wisdom, when they need to figure things out on their own, and when they just need a hug and a smile from their mama.
Here at The Laughing Grandma, we will explore lots of ideas for engaging with our adult kids (and in-law kids) in ways that affirm our love for them and our belief that they are precious, capable children of God who have everything they need to experience a life of hope and purpose.
Maybe we’ve never been this way before, but we will get through it together and I’m so glad you’re here!
KRISTI is the author of the Before books and coloring books for children and the Your Soul To Keep one-year prayer book for parents of adults. She writes to inspire parents and grandparents to shine the joy of Jesus into the lives of their families and to laugh without fear of the future (Proverbs 31:25). She and her husband Tim live in Iowa where they love doing life with their sons and daughters-in-law, six grandbabies, and two very spoiled dogs.