|| I think most grandmas experience a battle between their inner Mary and Martha at one time or another. But have you ever felt like your inner Sarai might be plotting a take-over?

When Sarai was about 65, God promised her husband that their descendants would become a great nation. Ten years later, she was still waiting for even one descendant to make an appearance. (Ten years? I get impatient waiting for ten minutes in the drive-thru!)

At that point, when Sarai was about 75, God doubled-down on his promise. Not only would their descendants be a great nation, but they would be as numerous as the stars. 

This is when ‘Sarai the solver’ goes to work. She approaches her husband and says, “Since the Lord has prevented me from bearing children, go to my maid; perhaps through her I can build a family.” (Genesis 16:2)

Can you sort of appreciate her ingenuity⎯her willingness to help God out at her own expense? And can you imagine how many nights she laid awake with a spinning mind and an impatient soul, trying to figure things out?

Even so, her best intentions failed miserably. Not only did her ingenuity create strife in her marriage, disgust between her and her servant (duh), and deep personal suffering⎯it also led to a massive political conflict that rages-on even today.

Nearly 25 years after giving Sarai’s husband the promise of countless descendants,  God graciously⎯though not expediently⎯renames Sarai “princess” (Sarah) and restates his promise for a third time. And in his perfect timing, when Sarah is 90, the first little star in their universe is born.

God’s promise to give Sarai a child of her own mattered. It mattered a lot. But his perfect plan was not something she could successfully manipulate or obtain on her own. 

The delay wasn’t a problem to be solved. It was a wait to be endured. 

Grandmas, we’re solvers, aren’t we? When we see the hurts and unmet desires of our kids and grandkids, we often find ourselves laying awake like Sarai⎯with spinning minds and impatient souls, searching for solutions with only the best intentions. 

But we can’t ever calculate the cost of charging ahead without God⎯the cost of solving things that aren’t ours to solve. 

When Sarai’s husband became impatient, God said, “I am God Almighty. Live in my presence and be blameless.” (Genesis 17:1) In other words, God is in control. Focus on doing what’s right and let him take care of the rest.  

So, next time our inner Sarai tries to take-over, here are two questions that will help us find rest for our souls and keep us from allowing our ingenuity to get in the way of God’s perfect plan: 

  1. Does this really matter in the scheme of eternity?
  2. What about this can (or should) I control? 

Does this really matter in the scheme of eternity? 

Our lives are a teeny-tiny dot on God’s eternal timeline. So, does it matter that my granddaughter is struggling with her softball team? In the context of eternity, does it really matter?

Does it matter to eternity that she has unkind teammates or that her on-base percentage has increased? No. 

But, does it matter to eternity that she learns to find her identity in Jesus? That she treats every teammate with kindness and generosity? That she perseveres through difficulty to grow an enduring heart? That she recognizes the difference between “light and momentary troubles” and “the eternal glory that is so much greater”? (2 Corinthians 4:17)

Yes, yes, yes, and yes! 

Viewing earthly struggles⎯regardless of how little or big they seem⎯through the lens of eternity brings Godly perspective that quiets our souls.  

What about this can (or should) I control? 

This is a tricky one. 

Money stress, marriage stress, school stress, parenting stress, emotional stress . . . the list is long. Our kids and grandkids live in a broken world and in John 16:33 Jesus is very clear about the fact that they “will have suffering.” It’s a certainty. 

But that’s not all he says. He also says, “…in me you may have peace.” 

Just because things seem bad, doesn’t mean we’re supposed to fix them. And it doesn’t mean we can’t have peace. 

Sleepless nights and spinning minds are not a solution to the circumstances we don’t like. Surrendering everything into the conquering hands of Jesus and only focusing on what we are called to control? That is what brings peace. 

Sarai’s plot to have her husband sleep with her servant led to even greater suffering because she exerted control over something that she was never called to control. 

So, what are we called to control? What does God want us to do when life gets hard for the people we love? He wants us to “Be still and know that he is God” (Psalm 46:10). And he wants us to “run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus…” (Hebrews 12:1-2)

The only way we can truly be still and endure is to keep our minds narrowly focused on what we are biblically called to control. 

Our Attitude

“…whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—dwell on these things.” Philippians 4:8 

Ruminating on everything good makes our minds fertile soil for God’s wisdom, but when our actions are driven by worry, bitterness, pride, and even hate⎯the outcome will never be what we hoped.  

Our Words

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29

“The mind of the righteous person thinks before answering, but the mouth of the wicked blurts out evil things.” Proverbs 15:28

The Advice Monster⎯our internal, compulsive tendency to give advice even when we don’t fully understand the problem. I was introduced to the advice monster at a recent conference for instructional coaches, but I find that he’s alive and well at Grandma’s house, as well. I mean, we know things! Been there, done that. But carefully chosen questions and even silence can often be more powerful teachers. Most of the time, our most powerful words are the ones we speak to God in prayer. 

And Our Loyalty

“…choose this day whom you will serve…As for me and my house, we will worship the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

“…walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God.” Colossians 1:10

When we make the decision to follow Jesus, making him our Lord and King, we find the strength and even the desire to surrender our own agenda, our own opinions, and our own way of doing things. It’s not that we don’t have good ideas, but seeking him first protects us from rushing into things we might regret. 

Let’s be honest, we grandmas can exert control in any situation. But if our desired actions don’t align with all three of these areas of control, then we have an obligation to hit the pause button. Good ideas don’t always have good outcomes⎯especially when they undermine the hidden work God is doing. 

But then what? We just don’t do anything? 

Ironically, it seems the things we have the most control over are often the things we reduce to something mundane or insignificant. Ever catch yourself saying, “All we can do is pray” or “All I can do is love her”? 

That’s all? That’s enormous!

Praying and listening and loving and speaking words that build up⎯these are noble actions that impact eternity. They are significant and life-giving, and should never be undervalued.   

So, when we determine that the thing we’re worried about matters in the light of eternity AND that there is something we should do about it that aligns with our biblical calling⎯that is the sweet spot. THERE is where we find peace. THERE is where we find rest for our souls and the strength to do only as much as we’re called to do. THERE is where we learn to trust the eternal timeline we can’t yet see.

Making it Personal

  • What is keeping you awake at night? Does it matter in the light of eternity? If not, ask God to “take it” – spinning about something that won’t matter next year or even next week is keeping you from nobler tasks.
  • Is there something of eternal significance that you need to do something about? Ask God to clearly show you ways you act that align with your biblical calling.
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