The older I get, the easier it is to understand how fleeting life is and how important it is to focus on my purpose as a grandma. I’m no longer juggling the daily details of raising little ones, so my mind is free to focus on a bigger picture. And that “bigger picture” always includes my kids and grandkids loving and serving Jesus, and spending eternity with him. It’s a beautiful picture. However, reality isn’t always as perfect and sometimes it looks more like a finger painting than something from Norman Rockwell.

I recently received the following question from a grandma in Iowa and it’s a perfect example of how our perfect pictures get smudged sometimes. After thinking about the question, praying about it and searching scripture, I jotted some thoughts below. It really is a great question that many of us wrestle with as our kids grow into adults.

Thank you for reaching out, JD!

To start off, rest assured that you’re not alone! Grandparents have been desiring for their grandkids (and kids) to know Jesus for thousands of years:

“Since my youth, God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come.” Psalm 71:17-18

Second, the desire to teach our grandkids about Jesus is way more than just a nice idea; it’s what we’re commanded to do:

“Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” Deuteronomy 4:9

But what does all of this have to do with making sure that our grandkids to church? Not much. Our kids are grown and it’s Biblical for them to leave and cleave. They’ve built a new family unit. It may not always be the picture we envision, but it’s not our picture to paint. It’s theirs.

Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother, and cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24

We’re not part of their “one,” so where does that leave us when we desperately want our grandkids to go to church? When we want them to be dedicated or baptized and it’s not happening?

First, we need to put away any passive aggressive comments, self-pity, begging, shaming, and demanding. And wipe the look of disappointment off our face.  

It’s not easy! I mean, my kids should know better! Right? And I’m gonna tell ‘em!

But as a teacher, I’ve learned so much by simply listening to my much-younger colleagues talk about frustrations with parents and in-laws, and I’ve learned that approaching difficult topics with grace, humility, and trust is so much more powerful; so much more effective. After all, that’s what Jesus modeled. Right?

God gave our kids a free will and an open road, and neither is ours to direct. Thankfully, we can fully trust him to use every good, bad, and ugly thing in their lives to draw them to himself…even when we don’t see it. His heart burns for our kids and grandkids to be in church also; for their hearts to be near his. He knows. And he’s working.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

That means we can take a deep breath. And then another; breathing in every promise God gives us about trusting him, and breathing out every worry, every disappointment, and any bitter thought.  

Pastor Tom Doyle is a missionary in the heart of the Islamic nations, where accessing the Bible and Christian churches isn’t only difficult…it’s criminal. Still, he writes about countless Muslims who have had miraculous encounters with Jesus through dreams and visions that are so powerful that they’ve left Islam and turned their hearts over to Christ as their Savior. (Read more about Pastor Doyle’s experiences)

If God’s Spirit is powerful enough to speak into the darkest parts of the Middle East, then he’s powerful enough to speak into the hearts of our grandkids…with or without a church. We need to rest in our calling to live lives that are an example of God’s faithfulness and to speak the stories of his faithfulness to our families. Trying to do more will only lead to fatigue and frustration.

It’s a great idea to offer to pick the grandkids up for church…as long as we’re fully prepared to graciously accept a “no.” And as long as we’re careful not to pit one parent against the other. They are “one” and we must treat them as “one.” Pray about it, offer it up, humbly explain why it’s important to you (rather than why you think they’re wrong for not going), and then let the chips fall.

Special events are also a great way to open doors: Vacation Bible School, family fun nights, youth group trips, etc. Keep your eyes open for opportunities to invite your kids and grandkids to engage in things that are less “churchy” – especially for kids or kids-in-law who may have had negative experiences with religion.

Most of all, continue to pray fervently for God to unleash the power of his Spirit and revelation in the hearts of your kids and grandkids, so they will desire to spend time with him and to engage with others who love him. Paul gives us a great example of this:

“I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people…” Ephesians 1:16-18

I love the passion God gives us for loving our kids and grandchildren, and we should never take our purpose of teaching our families about him lightly. That’s why I love JD’s question. I continue to pray for all the grandmas who deal with this burden and ask God to fill you with wisdom and strength as you continue to be living examples of Christ’s love and to speak life into the lives of your kids and grandkids. 🤍

We all have different experiences as grandmas and I desire to keep this site as relevant and encouraging as possible. If there is something you are struggling with as a mom, mom-in-law, or grandma, I would love for you to share it with me by email: kristi@thelaughinggrandma.com.