How in the world do we “face the future without fear” when our adult kids experience pain and we have no power to fix it? Is it even possible “not be dismayed” when life delivers a punch to the gut? 

We’ve all been there; that piercing moment when an otherwise normal day is invaded by an emotional storm that sends a flood of fear to every corner of our “mom” minds. Our brains surge as we weigh our response. Financial hardship. Parental hardship. Emotional. Spiritual. Physical. Regardless of the hardship, we fight to understand…to solve…to sleep.

And God says, “Do not fear. Do not be dismayed.” Ha! Really? I mean, I love you, Lord, but where do I even start? What’s the magic answer?

The answer isn’t found in human words

Have you ever been told to stop thinking about purple elephants? As soon as you hear it, it’s all you can think about! When we tell ourselves to stop worrying…we worry. When others tell us not to think about things that we can’t (or shouldn’t) control…it’s all we can think about.

It’s never enough to tell myself not to worry. It’s never enough to talk about my fears with friends. Worry that invades my mind, as a result of the hurts and heartaches of parenting adult kids, is the biggest purple elephant in my room, and human words alone are never powerful enough to make it go away. They are encouraging, of course. Biblical even. But true transformation – deep, in-the-gut tranquility – comes only from having my mind steadfastly focused on God and his words. 

I saw a bumper sticker once that asked the question, “Have you prayed about it as much as you’ve talked about it?”

Ouch.

Almost never. Right? In fact, the first thing we usually do when something stressful happens is to talk to someone ALL about it…searching for allies and comfort and support. And we usually get it. But it’s a temporary fix that never compares to the peace that comes from falling into the arms of Jesus and surrendering every fear to HIM.

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
Isaiah 26:3

The answer is also not in overthinking

If human words provide temporary relief, then human thoughts provide even less. Let’s be honest, if overthinking was an Olympic sport, moms would win a gold medal every time! But scripture tells us that our thoughts are nothing compared to God’s thoughts, and our best plans will never prevail over HIS purpose.

We want the best, the most, the greatest for our adult kids. We want them to love Jesus…to have healthy relationships, healthy kids, and healthy bodies. We want them to have jobs they love, full bank accounts, sound minds, and kind hearts. We want the BEST for them. Every day, in every way. Not too much to ask, right?

And we put a lot of emotional pressure on ourselves when we think it’s our job to figure out how to “fix” things when the BEST doesn’t happen. Our minds shift into overdrive: I need to make sure he doesn’t…. She needs to know that she should….I need to make sure they consider…. Maybe I should…. I think I will….

Thinking. Thinking. THINKING.

It never conquers. In fact, it only fuels the flames of fear, worry, and anxiety until we are utterly consumed. (Not to mention the damage it can do to our relationship with our kids!)

I will never stop loving on our kids. I’ll always support them in hard times. I’ll remind them that God loves them, that he created them with purpose, and that he will never leaves them. These are TRUTHS that every person needs to hear when they’re struggling. 

And yet.

God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts. And it’s in our kids’ “struggle” that God’s Spirit has the greatest power to transform. When we think and think and think…creating rescue plans that depend on our own agenda, we undermine God’s work. He allows our children to experience hardship in order to strengthen them – to make them mature and complete, not lacking anything. Trust me, if he needs our “help” then he will make it abundantly clear as we search scripture and draw near to him in prayer….not as we brainstorm on our pillow. 

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9

The answer is in his presence

Imagine this for just a minute: Your grandson cuts his finger and a drop of blood drips on the floor. You tell him that you have a band-aid in the cupboard. He believes that you have band-aids because he’s seen them before and he believes that you want to help him. But still, he’s bleeding on the carpet. It isn’t until you walk to the cupboard, reach for the band-aids, and put one over his cut that the blood stops dripping. 

Words and beliefs have no power apart from action. And they have no power apart from God. We may believe that God can help us because we’ve seen his faithfulness in other situations. We may truly believe that he wants to help us. But our wounded hearts won’t stop bleeding until we walk into his presence, reach for Truth, and wrap our minds around it.

Instead of wallowing in worry or throwing emotional tantrums…before frantically trying to fix things for our kids…instead of thinking and planning and talking to whoever will listen…how about we just STOP. Stop falling apart, and start seeking Jesus. Stop demanding our own way, and start surrendering to God’s.

We. Just. Need. To. Stop.

Stop…and dwell. 

Being still in in the presence of our loving Father is the greatest action we can take when life gets dark. He never forsakes those who seek him. Reading scripture, listening to worship music, or simply speaking his name…fear begins to melt away when we enter his presence and God himself begins to fight FOR us.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your rampart and shield. You will not fear the terror of night…make the Most High your dwelling and he will command his angels concerning you.
Psalm 91:4-11

The answer is in his power

The most repeated command in the Bible is ‘Do not fear.’ Over and over and over, God tells prophets, kings and commoners not to be afraid. And why? Because they’re afraid! Because they are facing giants and illness and wilderness and hunger and captivity and death.

And still God says, “Do not fear. Do not be dismayed.” Over and over and over, he commanded them to stand firm and to wait for his power to be unleased. And it always was. His power defeated armies and healed disease. It closed the mouths of lions, opened prison gates, and stopped raging storms. It turned the sea to dry land, rained bread from heaven, and even defeated death.

We are loved by that same God. Our kids are loved by that same God. And he is able to unleash his power into ANY circumstance our families face.

Every time I feel afraid – every time my heart is dismayed – I find the power to press on when I stop trying to fight the battle alone and start searching for hope in scripture. His word is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit… One of the greatest gifts God gives us is the power we have to access him – our Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father and Prince of Peace – simply by opening the Bible.

His Word has the power to set fear on fire and break anxiety into pieces.

It has the power to light our paths and calm our fiercest storms.

And it has the power to guard our hearts and minds with peace that exceeds understanding.

His power is made perfect in our weakness. Thank you, Jesus, for this hope!

“Is not my Word like fire,” declares the Lord, “and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?”
Jeremiah 23:29

And the answer is in praise

King David experienced some of the highest highs and lowest lows of anyone on earth; from dancing in the streets as king to hiding in caves as a fugitive. But no matter his circumstances – whether celebrating victories or overwhelmed by fear – he praised God with authentic, desperate praise that wasn’t dependent on what his eyes saw or his heart felt…but only on his deep faith in who God is.

When he was overwhelmed by life, he trusted anyway. He rejoiced anyway. He sang anyway. When David FELT afraid and FELT dismayed, he CHOSE to praise God simply for being God. It wasn’t an attempt to manipulate favor or convince him to do a certain thing. It was an outpouring of what was deep inside: the absolute belief that God is joy…and God is peace…even when life stinks.

When we choose to praise God in spite of our feelings, our hearts experience supernatural peace. Let’s face it, as long as we live on this earth with our adult kids, we will have plenty to feel: joy and heartache, pride and disappointment, relief and fear…the list goes on. And nothing we can ever do will prevent pain from invading ordinary days. It’s life.

But here is the most miraculous thing: nothing we can do – nothing our kids can do – nothing that happens in life will ever change God. He is the same in our moments of heartache as he was in our celebrations. Same God. There is something infinitely comforting in worshiping a living Savior who is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts, and day after day have sorrow in my heart? But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise…
Psalm 13

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for my precious kids. Thank you for every highlight and every heartache. When I feel afraid, flood my mind peace. When I dwell on what-ifs, remind me that your thoughts are higher than my thoughts and that there is more to every situation than I can possibly understand or fix. Help me to rest in the promise that you are using every struggle to make my kids mature and complete – not lacking anything. Lord, fight for our kids and stop me from interfering in your perfect plan. You are good even on the worst days and I trust in you unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing praise to you for you have been good to me.

In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen.

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