There we are . . . standing in the kitchen, minding our own business, when the phone rings and the day goes sideways. Our adult child is in crisis and we’re instantly drowning in fear and worry.

Replaying every worst-case scenario. Thoughts racing. Scrambling to find solutions to a problem that’s not ours to fix.

And the maker of our minds says, “Do not fear. Do not be dismayed.” (Isaiah 41:10)

Are you sure, God? I mean, we love you. we do.

But our brain won’t shut off and the tears won’t stop, so we need you to show us the answer. Just spell it out!

Purple elephants aren’t the answer

I’ve figured out over the years that telling myself not to worry is like saying, “stop thinking about purple elephants.”

It’s all I can think about!

“Come on, Kristi, God’s in charge. Just stop worrying. Stop worrying. Stop worrying.”

And off I go . . . worrying!

Can you relate?

Worries that comes from the hurts and heartaches of parenting adults are the biggest purple elephants in our room, aren’t they? And no amount of thinking or talking makes the elephants go away. True freedom from worry . . . deep-in-the-gut tranquility . . . comes only from a mind that is relentlessly fixed on God and his words, not on our fears and worries.

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
Isaiah 26:3

If overthinking was an Olympic sport, moms would win gold every time! But scripture tells us that the spiraling conversations we have with ourselves are painfully insignificant compared to God’s ways (Isaiah 55:9).

We want the best, the most, the greatest for our adult kids. Right? We want them to love Jesus…to have healthy relationships, healthy kids, and healthy bodies. To have jobs they love, full bank accounts, sound minds, and kind hearts. The BEST. Every day, in every way.

And because we want the best for them, we put a lot of emotional pressure on ourselves to figure out how to “fix” the things that are unraveling. I need to make sure he doesn’t . . . She needs to know that she should . . . I need to make sure they consider . . . Maybe I should . . . I think I will . . .

Thinking. Thinking. THINKING.

It’s nothing but kindling for fear and worry.

And here’s the thing, our best plans will never prevail over HIS purpose.

I will forever love my kids. Forever put my arms around them. Forever remind them that they are loved by God, created with purpose, and never left alone to face life’s storms.

I will always, desperately want them to be “okay.”

Still . . .

It’s in their storms that God’s Spirit has the greatest power to transform them for his glory.

Hardships are a means to strength, wisdom, and maturity (James 1:2-4).

And embracing the purple elephant of worry undermines God’s work.

If he needs our “help” then he will make it abundantly clear to us as we search scripture and lean into his presence, not as we brainstorm on our pillow. 

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9

His presence is the answer

Imagine it for just a minute: Your child cuts his finger and begins to bleed. You tell him that there’s a band-aid in the cupboard. He believes you because he’s seen the band-aids and he believes you want to help him. But still, blood is dripping down his hand. It isn’t until you walk to the cupboard, reach for the band-aids, and put one over his cut that the blood stops dripping. 

Words and beliefs have no power apart from action. And no power apart from God.

We believe God can help us because we’ve seen his faithfulness. We believe he wants to help . . . but our wounded hearts won’t stop bleeding until we walk into his presence, reach for Truth, and wrap it around our worried minds.

Instead of spiraling in worry . . . thinking and planning and talking to whoever will listen . . . let’s just STOP.

STOP falling apart.

STOP blaming ourselves.

STOP blaming others.

STOP grasping for control.

Let’s just stop . . . and dwell. 

In his presence, we are never alone (Psalm 9:10). In his presence, we are protected (Philippians 4:6-7). In his presence, our souls find rest (Psalm 62:1-2).

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your rampart and shield. You will not fear the terror of night…make the Most High your dwelling and he will command his angels concerning you.
Psalm 91:4-11

His power is the answer

The most repeated command in scripture is ‘do not fear.’ Over and over and over, God tells prophets, kings, commanders, and commoners not to fear. And why? Because they’re afraid!

They faced giants, illness, wilderness, hunger, war, captivity, and even death.

And over and over, God commands his people to stand firm and to wait for his plan to be accomplished.

His power defeated armies and healed disease. It closed the mouths of lions, opened prison gates, and stopped raging storms. It pushed back the sea, rained bread from heaven, and restored life to the dead.

We are loved by that same, powerful God. Our kids are loved by that same, powerful God.

When we are shaken by life, God gives us the strength to press on as we lean into the power of his presence:

Praise is the answer

King David experienced the highest highs and lowest lows . . . dancing in the streets as a king . . . hiding in caves as a fugitive. Whatever his circumstances, he praised God authentically and desperately.

His praise didn’t depend on what his eyes saw or what his heart felt. It was given only because of who God is.

When David was overwhelmed, he trusted anyway. He rejoiced anyway. He sang anyway. When David focused on fear, he was dismayed. When he praised the God of the universe – even when storms raged – praise poured out and he found joy!

“You have put more joy in my heart
than they have when their grain and new wine abound.
I will both lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, Lord, make me live in safety.”
PSALM 4:7-8

Moms, when we choose to praise God in spite of the storms raging in the lives of our kids, he meets us with nonsensical, illogical, abundant peace.

Let’s be honest, nothing we can do will prevent pain from invading ordinary days. It’s life in a fallen world.

But here is the most miraculous thing . . .

There is also nothing we can do to change God or his infinite love and power. He is the same in our moments of pain as he is in our celebrations. The same God. And there is something ridiculously comforting in worshiping a living Savior who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for my precious kids. Thank you for every highlight and every heartache. When I feel afraid, flood my mind with the peace that only you can give. When I dwell on what-ifs, remind me that your thoughts are higher than my thoughts and that there is more to every situation than I can possibly understand or fix. Help me to rest in the promise that you are using every struggle to make my kids mature and complete, not lacking anything. Lord, fight for them. You are good even on the worst days and I trust in you unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing praise to you for you are good.

In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen.

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